Did you know that sitting with loneliness can precisely be one way out? OK, I know it sounds counterintuitive. But let that sink in for a minute. Sometimes, the most direct path to your destination IS the best.
You’re genuine and deep, but sometimes it seems like you’re not rewarded for that.
But here’s a radical thought, and a paradigm shift…are you ready?
Could loneliness be a secret gift? 😲
Could being fully IN this state be the way through and out of it? 🤯
I know, it can be a lot to hear (ugh, read 😆). But, sitting with it, with all the crap, can be truly eye-opening and can provide a way forward.
And how do you do this?
TRY THIS:
Sit in a quiet place where you won’t be interrupted.
Close your eyes. Imagine a time when you felt powerfully, viscerally ANGRY/ANXIOUS/SAD/INSERT NEGATIVE EMOTION HERE. Be there, in that moment, if you can do so without feeling overcome or without disconnecting. IF IT’S ALL TOO MUCH, STOP (and try this exercise again another time).
Once you’re “there”, in that moment, what were your senses telling you? The smells/sounds/sights, etc. Feel the texture of it all.
Feel the emotion in all its power. You will want to escape. Your mind will want to distract you. Don’t let it. Come back to that moment.
While you’re in the thick of the emotion, touch something near you. Hold it, grab it. This is how you’ll know that you are not ACTUALLY back in that situation that provoked that emotion. You are HERE, right now, in your space, and so, YOU…ARE…OK.
As long as you can, even if it’s just for a minute or two, try to dwell in both spaces, the EMOTION of then, and here, now, where your hand is touching. Ride those waves, make noise if you want to, say words, get up and move, and do whatever your body is telling you to do.
Soon, you’ll feel the emotion start to subside. When it does, when you feel ready, open your eyes again. You are HERE. You made it. Congratulations, you SAT WITH IT.
I realize that doing this exercise all the way through can be VERY challenging for many of us, and the distracting thoughts, etc. may win many times before you can do it all the way through. But don’t give up. Keep trying! It’s worth it.
Once you’ve practiced sitting with it, you realize that you CAN live with it and that it has its benefits. You feel calmer and more aware of all kinds of sensations, which leads to greater tuning-in to others, and… ta-da! More potential for connection.
Suddenly, you’ll start noticing sensations all around you. Then, you’ll know that you’ve laid the foundation for “feeling into” others and picking up clues that can help you spark something (or at least have something to talk about!).
So here’s the KEY TAKEAWAY: Tolerating emotion of all kinds is KEY to fulfilling intimate relationships, and the sooner you can SIT WITH IT, within yourself, the sooner you’ll be ready to sit with the emotions that emerge in OTHERS.
You can use this practice to deal with many different emotions, but of course, it’s not the only piece in the puzzle to making powerful connections. You’ve got influences, your thought patterns, how you feel about yourself and your body, and so much more that can be impacting how you show up intimately. It’s not a quick fix.
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